"Behind my front door were two tiny children, a mountain of fear and grief. I became closed off, and the outside world felt so far away.

My journey as a mum didn’t begin easily. After 15 years of trying, I lost my son at five and a half months pregnant. The shock and heartbreak of that loss never left me. When I later became pregnant with my first daughter, Olivia, there was a mix of joy and fear. I was so worried throughout, but she arrived safely in 2018.

Just eleven months later, unplanned, I gave birth again. This time, to a daughter with a rare condition called Pierre Robin Sequence, and everything I thought I knew about being a mum disappeared overnight. It went straight out of the window.

My youngest, Darcie, had a wide cleft palate and problems with her airway. It was all open. The doctors told us it was the widest one they'd seen. She couldn’t lie on her back due to her tongue, couldn’t feed normally, and spent weeks in the hospital. I had to learn how to look after her, learn how to put her in a car seat and how to keep her alive. I honestly wasn’t sure if she would make the journey home in the car.

When we finally brought Darcie home, the fear was overwhelming. One night, her tongue slipped back and blocked her airway. I leapt out of bed in terror, turning her over, my heart pounding. From then on, anxiety ruled every moment.

Going out felt impossible. Tube feeding in public caused people to stare. I would have to plan trips out carefully because feeding her wasn’t simple. I would have to prepare the food cup, make sure the feeding tube was in the correct place and then hold up the tube whilst food slowly made its way into her tummy. I felt judged and exposed.

Slowly, I stopped leaving the house at all. Two tiny children, 11 months apart and health issues to contend with, I doubted myself as a mother. I questioned whether I had done something that could have caused the syndrome.  I carried the weight of unresolved trauma, losing my son, complicated pregnancies and then this. Eventually, I shut the doors and shut the world out.

Weaning was a different story. We had to be so careful, as the gap in her mouth would sometimes cause food to get stuck and drop down, causing choking episodes, which was so frightening. I was always on edge.

My health visitor suggested Home-Start. At first, I said no. Accepting help felt difficult, but I knew I needed it. When I finally agreed, everything changed.

She didn’t try to fix me. She smiled. She listened. She made space for me, and my tears and reminded me that I mattered. She walked beside me into baby groups, sat with me at soft play, and helped me spend time individually with both my children without me feeling like I was failing one of them. I even ended up going to weekly groups on my own. If it wasn't for Home- Start, I'll hold my hands up, I don’t know if I would still be here.

Home-Start didn’t just help me survive, it helped me in so many ways. Showing me that even though anxiety can get the better of you in times of crisis, it doesn’t define you. And that asking for help can be the bravest thing you do. Because someone gave me their time, I learned I was worthy of it.

Today, Darcie is thriving at school. She has had an operation and is doing well. And I am no longer the woman hiding behind closed doors. Home-Start saw something in me, and wanted to know if I would consider volunteering when the children were older and life was more settled. I wanted to, but it took a while for this to feel right. When I started volunteering, it was wonderful, being able to give back and to help other mums. It felt empowering because I knew, firsthand, how life-changing Home-Start support can be. It wasn’t before I saw a job come up within Home-Start, and I went for it.  

I now work with Home-Start as a Family Support Co-ordinator, supporting families who need support, as I did.  I sit at their kitchen tables, put the kettle on, spend time with the parents and children, and offer tailored support. I say the words I once needed to hear: ‘you’re not alone, and you can do this’. Every family and every need is different, but the importance of support is the same.

Home-Start was there when I needed someone to believe in me. Now, I get to be that person for someone else, which is amazing."