Heather's story: Home-Start gave me my life back

"When I gave birth to my daughter, Freya, everything changed, but not in the way I expected. My pregnancy had been straightforward, and I went into labour believing it would end with a healthy baby. Instead, it was traumatic. Freya was born in distress, with the cord around her neck, amongst other complications. I suffered a severe tear and a two-litre postpartum haemorrhage. I was rushed straight into surgery while my partner held our daughter for the first time. I had blood transfusions and iron infusions, to name a few things, too. 

I missed a lot of the ‘firsts’ that mums dream about, the first cuddle, the first feed. That loss stayed with me for a long time.

The weeks that followed were brutal. We spent a week in the hospital while Freya underwent lots of tests, antibiotics and even a lumbar puncture at three days old. No baby should have to go through that. I came home physically broken and emotionally drained, barely able to move. An infection meant my recovery took twice as long, and for months, I needed help to most things, even to get out of bed. I felt helpless, there’s no other word for it.

We were still living at home with my mum at the time, and my mum had to help with a lot. So then came the destructive thoughts of ‘Freya has a better connection with my mum than me’.

Around three months in, my mental health collapsed. I felt like my body had failed me. I didn’t feel like a good enough mum. I was extremely jealous of my partner for experiencing moments I couldn’t remember myself. I compared myself constantly to others, and I was convinced everyone was judging me. I felt like I was losing my mind.

Things became even harder when we moved to a village away from my family and friends, due to my partner getting a new job that he couldn’t refuse. I don’t drive, and there wasn’t any public transport. I was so lonely.

Over the next six months, I lost 10 family members, including my grandad, the man who practically raised me. Not long after this, I was diagnosed with postpartum PTSD, and I shut down completely. On top of everything, I wasn’t showering or looking after myself, and I couldn’t leave my house alone. Even the thought of going into the local shop caused panic attacks.

My relationship with my partner was really struggling. We weren’t communicating, and it felt like everything around me was falling apart.

I reached my breaking point in my GP surgery during a panic attack, and that’s when I was referred to Home-Start Cambridgeshire. I’d never heard of them before, but agreeing to that referral changed my whole life.

Through Home-Start, I was matched with my volunteer, Kirsty. She didn’t judge me or try to “fix” me. She listened. She believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. We started small, for example, we arranged for a table to be put outside a local café because I couldn’t face going inside.

Slowly, week by week, things started to change, my confidence was building. It started with small steps, I went into the café instead of sitting outside, we went to the park, then to a baby group together. It sounds insignificant when I say it out loud, but these things were huge to me. I couldn’t believe it when I could finally go into my local shop, something I hadn’t been able to do.

Kirsty helped me see myself as more than just a struggling mum. She helped me rediscover myself, when I had completely lost sight of who I was. I felt like I was given a second chance. I began taking pride in myself again.

Because of Home-Start, my family is unrecognisable from where we were. My relationship with my partner is stronger than it’s ever been. Our home is calm and loving. I’ve found my voice, set boundaries, and learned my worth. I am so much stronger, we are stronger as a family unit, all thanks to Home-Start.

Today, I’m not just surviving, I’m actually living. I even have plans for the future, I am a hairdresser by trade, and I’m planning to set up a salon at home. We’re also finally getting married, I’m learning to drive, and we’re building a life I once thought was impossible.

If it wasn’t for Home-Start, I don’t know where we’d be, I might not have survived. Home-Start didn’t just support me, they gave me my life back."

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