“Dad Matters quite honestly, saved my life that day.”

Aaron is a dad of two young children, Sam and Vicky. When Aaron and his wife Rebecca welcomed their second child, Vicky, life became a whirlwind of nappies, sleepless nights, and the pressure of balancing work as a Radiology Nurse, with family. But beneath the surface, Aaron was fighting a mental health battle of his own. Here's his story in his own words.

“It built up gradually. The pressure at work, lack of support, and then Vicky’s traumatic birth, I just couldn’t keep going. Vicky had been delivered by emergency C-section. 

My wife Rebecca didn’t want me to leave her side, so I ended up suctioning Vicky’s airway myself. I'm a nurse, I could do it, but in that moment, with the crash team around us, it was terrifying.

Weeks later, I was still struggling.

When we first had Sam, my wife Rebecca was supported by Home Start Stroud and Gloucester and she found it really helpful. When we were expecting Vicky, we decided to do it again. Home Start felt like a good way to meet local parents going through the same thing.

At that time, I was off work with mental health struggles, so I went along to most of the sessions with Vicky. We made good friends some we’re still in touch with now.

I’ve been nursing for eight years, mainly in radiology, but the job had become stressful. When Vicky came along unexpectedly, I didn’t get much support at work, which added to the pressure. Being home during maternity leave had its positives though and the Home Start group gave us a real sense of community.

I even set up a dads’ WhatsApp group for a while. I tried some of the free-play Sunday meet-ups through Dad Matters, but what made the real difference was the one-to-one support from Mark,  a Dad Matters Coordinator.

But one day at a group, I reached breaking point. I was in full crisis, minutes away from making a huge mistake. My wife went to get Mark. He came outside, talked me down and quite honestly, saved my life that day.

Through one-to-one support and group sessions, I rebuilt my confidence. I’ve gone from believing I was a failure to seeing that I am a good dad. And that’s something I wouldn’t have thought possible a year ago. Dad Matters and Home-Start gave me hope, they reminded me that dads matter too.

Looking back a year on, things are much better. I’ve completed DBT therapy, and alongside the support from Mark, I’ve learned to value myself as a dad. Before, I was convinced I was failing. Now, I can handle moments like my son saying he doesn’t want me, or prefers his mum, without taking it to heart.

I’ve also seen how important it is for dads to have support. So much is aimed at mums, and dads can feel left out. I know that awkward feeling of being the only dad at a baby group. But meeting other dads at Home-Start helped and sometimes, being a second-time dad, I could even reassure the new dads.

Home-Start is somewhere you can make friends, and you’ll realise you’re doing better than you think. But it’s not a replacement for the professional help I needed, the two go hand in hand."