Content warning: The story contains mentions of suicide.

Mike was excited for his son Atlas to be born, but when Atlas was here and was unwell, his world changed. This is his story, in his words.  

“It’s hard to imagine a time before Atlas, my son was born. It feels like he’s always been here.  

Before Atlas was born, I was going to Snooker every night and at the weekends. I’d finish work, get ready and go. Then the pandemic hit, so I had to stay inside and couldn’t go to the club. It was 2nd April when I found out I was going to be a dad.  

I have Autism and usually don’t have a filter. But, in that moment, I didn’t have any words. I couldn’t go to any scans, but every time my partner Maz went, she’d come back, or ring me and let me know all about Dad Matters. She spoke to midwives regularly at appointments who passed on information for me. 

About becoming a dad, I had the attitude that ‘I’m a Youth Worker, I work with children. I’ll be fine.’ 

When 28th November came around, my whole world changed. Atlas was here. I remember getting the phone call at 5am and I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to meet my little buddy, my little man, my little legend.  

When Atlas came home the next day, we sat down and ate a steak dinner, we had the full works to celebrate! But Atlas didn’t seem okay, we knew something was wrong. We called 111 to get some advice, they asked us to wake him up. But we couldn’t, he wasn’t waking up.  

I remember the operator on the phone apologising, saying sorry you’re going to have to initiate CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation). My world came crashing down. But I did it, I needed to save him.  

The whole experience felt out of body. It was like I could see myself giving him the first five breaths and doing the chest compressions. But I did it, I got my son to move again.   

A few days went by and I said to Maz, I need help. I contacted Dad Matters directly through the website, explaining what happened, asking for their help. The day after Kieran emailed me to tell me they’d assigned me a Co-ordinator and they were going to help me. His name was Dan.  

Kieran also reassured me that everything I was feeling or experiencing was normal. 

A week went by after I’d resuscitated Atlas and he was struggling to breathe again with the temperature so I called 111, but this time we were asked to go to A&E. I actually ended up arguing with a doctor as he was saying everything was fine. But I knew it wasn’t.  

After several blood tests, it was decided that Atlas had an infection, suspected Meningitis. He was admitted to the children’s ward and was hooked up to lots of machines. He was given antibiotics through an IV.  

And that’s when I got my first phone call from Dan, my Dad Matters Co-Ordinator. I was standing in the middle of Atlas’ hospital room.  

Every week, Dan would ring and we’d have a talk about my mental health or how my week was going. I suffered with my mental health, I’d been diagnosed with PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).  

On 21st December, Atlas was asleep in his Moses basket and my fiancee Maz was asleep on the sofa. In that moment, I felt so low and alone. I was going to go and commit suicide. I’d had it all planned. I’d even decided not to leave a note.  

I got up off the sofa and I took a picture of them both. I wanted that to be the last picture I took and I headed to the door.  

Just as I was about to leave the house, Atlas woke up and I needed to comfort him. Atlas saved my life that day.  

If I didn’t have Dan’s help, Dad Matters and the Walk ‘n’ Talk sessions, I think I would have ignored Atlas waking up and gone and ended my life.  

Without Dad Matters and Dan, I really don’t think I’d be here right now.” 

After such a positive experience with Home-Start and their Dad Matters team, it inspired me to becoming a volunteer. I loved meeting dads in the hospital and running walk and talks. Now I’m the Health Inequalities Coordinator for Dad Matters at Home-Start HOST, working directly with the dads least likely to show up in services.